Thoughts: Dog > Ring

"Congrats!!!!! Let me see the ring!" This exclamation - often coupled with a shriek or some joyful bouncing - was the most common phrase I heard after getting engaged. Man, did I appreciate the enthusiasm and pure joy from those friends and family members. Like a soda opened a few seconds ago, however, the bubbling excitement quickly simmered down when I told them there was no ring. My fiancée proposed to me by getting me a dog. The news usually elicited one of three responses: 1. Negative Comments about the Relationship 2. Uncomfortable Acceptance 3. A Lot of Questions. Let's explore.

Negative Comments About the Relationship

Clearly, our association with the ring and engagement is so ingrained in our minds and in our culture that many people assume that the lack of ring means something negative about your relationship.

"If he didn't get you a ring, he obviously doesn't love you."

Yes, someone actually said this to me.

"A real man buys a ring."

I didn't realize people were still using the term 'a real man.'

"Was it a real proposal?"

What's a fake proposal?

"You deserve to have a beautiful ring."

Thanks?

"But diamonds are forever… your dog isn't. Do you want your relationship to only last 10-15 years?"

Ok, now you're just being an asshole and my dog WILL live forever so shove it.

Uncomfortable Acceptance Some folks might be thinking the same thoughts as above but aren't quite as direct. Or, they don't want to offend me, assuming that we wanted to buy a ring but couldn't for one reason or another.

"Oh… uhh… ok." Quickly changes to another topic.

"Well, I'm sure he'll get you one later."

No, he will not.

"Yeah, rings are super expensive. It's better to save the money."

Yes they are, but that's not why we did it. In fact, taking care of a dog can be more expensive over time.

A Lot of Questions

Because this whole lack of ring thing was surprising to so many, they often had a lot of questions. Which, honestly, I appreciate. I much prefer the opportunity to explain my life choices than having another make assumptions about them.

"Do you not like jewelry?"

It's aiiight.

"Is he getting you one later?"

Nope.

"Does he not have the money?"

He does.

"Did you tell him not to get you a ring?"

Yup.

"What did his/your family say about it?"

No idea. Don't care.

"Do you wish you had one?"

Only at times like this when I have to keep explaining it to everyone.

Let me set the record straight: Sean proposed to me by getting me our dog and I couldn't have been happier. We work hard for our

money and much rather put it towards experiences than things. I look at my dog daily and am overwhelmed with growing love every day. Nuggie turned our couple into a little family.

Don't get me wrong: there are some absolutely beautiful rings out there that I am sure are cherished by their owners throughout their whole lives. Personally, I would have enjoyed the ring for about a month and then found it a burden. When buying something new, I like to think of not only the cost of the object but also the cost of the maintenance of the object. With a fancy ring, I would have to get it insured, regularly clean it, worry about losing it, etc. It's just not my cup of tea.

I understand why a ring can feel so important and why it may cause some people to question the legitimacy of your engagement and/or relationship. We have the better part of a century of nuanced marketing campaigns telling us that the engagement ring is an indispensable part of the getting engaged. The bigger, the better. In fact, this interesting article discusses how the De Beers Diamond Company used advertising in the 1940s to tell young men that the size of the diamond was representative not only of the size of his love for his fiancée, but also a sign of his personal and professional success. Whether or not you logically know that's not the case, some of these marketing campaigns have been succeeding before we were even conceived. It's tough to fight against that.

For me, a woman getting an expensive ring (which, by the way, is essentially worthless… look it up), feels a little too dowry-y and definitely not in line with modern-day values of equal partnership. What does the guy get? What if it's a same-sex couple? Why does one partner have to give up two-months' salary and the other one doesn't? If you and your significant other are planning to get engaged soon, consider starting a new tradition. You may still feel like a diamond engagement ring is the right choice for you and your relationship… but let yourself explore those options as opposed to letting an expert marketing campaign tell you to do it. If you decide to go a different route than the ring, I promise I won't ask any inane questions.

For us, our puppy was the right choice. I've been wanting a puppy since before I could talk. She brings both of us happiness and is a real commitment to which we share the responsibilities. While a ring may have given us a memory of the day we got engaged, our dog gives us new memories and experiences every day.